Quotes About Love

You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.

I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear.

Each time you happen to me all over again.

I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life.

You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which overmasters me.

‘Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.

The winds were warm about us, the whole earth seemed the wealthier for our love.

In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.

To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.

By my soul, I can neither eat, drink, nor sleep; nor, what’s still worse, love any woman in the world but her.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

That the last two letters in her name were the first two in his, a silly thing he never mentioned to her but caused him to believe that they were bound together.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind/And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.

One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.

It isn’t possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.

I would die for you. But I won’t live for you.

As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.

I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.

You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight.

My wish is that you may be loved to the point of madness

Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved

I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong. 

Love Feelings

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a 'hot mess' or having 'too many issues' are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”

“Religion can never reform mankind because religion is slavery. It is far better to be free, to leave the forts and barricades of fear, to stand erect and face the future with a smile. It is far better to give yourself sometimes to negligence, to drift with wave and tide, with the blind force of the world, to think and dream, to forget the chains and limitations of the breathing life, to forget purpose and object, to lounge in the picture gallery of the brain, to feel once more the clasps and kisses of the past, to bring life's morning back, to see again the forms and faces of the dead, to paint fair pictures for the coming years, to forget all Gods, their promises and threats, to feel within your veins life's joyous stream and hear the martial music, the rhythmic beating of your fearless heart. And then to rouse yourself to do all useful things, to reach with thought and deed the ideal in your brain, to give your fancies wing, that they, like chemist bees, may find art's nectar in the weeds of common things, to look with trained and steady eyes for facts, to find the subtle threads that join the distant with the now, to increase knowledge, to take burdens from the weak, to develop the brain, to defend the right, to make a palace for the soul. This is real religion. This is real worship”

“I think, therefore I am is the statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches. I feel, therefore I am is a truth much more universally valid, and it applies to everything that's alive. My self does not differ substantially from yours in terms of its thought. Many people, few ideas: we all think more or less the same, and we exchange, borrow, steal thoughts from one another. However, when someone steps on my foot, only I feel the pain. The basis of the self is not thought but suffering, which is the most fundamental of all feelings. While it suffers, not even a cat can doubt its unique and uninterchangeable self. In intense suffering the world disappears and each of us is alone with his self. Suffering is the university of egocentrism.”

“For our part, when we feel, we

evaporate; ah, we breathe

ourselves out and away; with each new

heartfire

we give off a fainter scent. True,

someone may tell us:

you're in my blood, this room, Spring

itself

is filled with you . . . To what end?

He can't hold us,

we vanish within him and around him.”

“She sang, as requested. There was much about love in the ballad: faithful love that refused to abandon its object; love that disaster could not shake; love that, in calamity, waxed fonder, in poverty clung closer. The words were set to a fine old air -- in themselves they were simple and sweet: perhaps, when read, they wanted force; when well sung, they wanted nothing. Shirley sang them well: she breathed into the feeling, softness, she poured round the passion, force: her voice was fine that evening; its expression dramatic: she impressed all, and charmed one.

On leaving the instrument, she went to the fire, and sat down on a seat -- semi-stool, semi-cushion: the ladies were round her -- none of them spoke. The Misses Sympson and the Misses Nunnely looked upon her, as quiet poultry might look on an egret, an ibis, or any other strange fowl. What made her sing so? They never sang so. Was it proper to sing with such expression, with such originality -- so unlike a school girl? Decidedly not: it was strange, it was unusual. What was strange must be wrong; what was unusual must be improper. Shirley was judged.”

no matter how u run away, no matter how can u pretend, no matter how scared u are

there is gona be the sense u have missed something, fallen heart feeling u mixed with in the

moments u should live, u will get used to that feeling, believe me when i tell u, this is crazy, some day ur life will be so

u r just warming up”

We realize we can't go around saying and doing what we're actually thinking and feeling. If we all did that, life would be a lunatic asylum. Indeed, that's how you know you're talking to a lunatic. Lunatics are those poor souls who have lost their inner communication and so they allow themselves to say and do exactly what they are thinking and feeling and that's why they're mad.”

“He sighed profoundly, and flung himself - there was a passion in his movements which deserves the word - on the earth at the foot of the oak tree. He loved, beneath all this summer transiency, to feel the earth's spine beneath him; for such he took the hard root of the oak tree to be; or, for image followed image, it was the back of a great horse that he was riding; or the deck of a tumbling ship - it was anything indeed, so long as it was hard, for he felt the need of something which he could attach his floating heart to; the heart that tugged at his side; the heart that seemed filled with spiced and amorous gales every evening about this time when he walked out. To the oak tree he tied it and as he lay there, gradually the flutter in and about him stilled itself; the little leaves hung, the deer stopped; the pale summer clouds stayed; his limbs grew heavy on the ground; and he lay so still that by degrees the deer stopped nearer and the rooks wheeled round him and the swallows dipped and circled and the dragonflies shot past, as if all the fertility and amorous activity of a summer's evening were woven web-like about his body.”

Conversation, to take another example, is one of the common pleasures of life, but not all conversation is pleasurable. The stutterer finds talking painful, and the listener is equally pained. Persons who are inhibited in expressing feeling are not good conversationalists. Nothing is more boring than to listen to a person talk in a monotone without feeling. We enjoy a conversation when there is a communication of feeling. We have pleasure in expressing our feelings, and we respond pleasurably to another person's expression of feeling. The voice, like the body, is a medium through which feeling flows, and when this flow occurs in an easy and rhythmic manner, it is a pleasure both to the speaker and listener.”

“Then my sole relief was to walk along the corridor of the third storey, backwards and forwards, safe in the silence and solitude of the spot, and allow my mind's eye to dwell on whatever bright visions rose before it - and, certainly, they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved by the exultant movement, which, while it swelled it in trouble, expanded it with life; and, best of all, to open my inward ear to a tale that was never ended - a tale my imagination created, and narrated continuously; quickened with all of incident, life, fire, feeling, that I desired and had not in my actual existence.”

Yes! Thank God; human feeling is like the mighty rivers that bless the earth: it does not wait for beauty—it flows with resistless force and brings beauty with it... There are few prophets in the world; few sublimely beautiful women; few heroes. I can't afford to give all my love and reverence to such rarities: I want a great deal of those feelings for my every-day fellow-men, especially for the few in the foreground of the great multitude, whose faces I know, whose hands I touch, for whom I have to make way with kindly courtesy.”

“Think of how you feel when you are sick, or how you felt when you were learning to ride your bike. The physical state of your body has a direct effect on how you think about the world, on the state of your mind. I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that your body has a direct effect on who you are. (30)

Feelings Love

Love is a pretty powerful drug. When you feel it, you really feel it. It can suspend time, making the whole world seem still except for you two.

It feeds you more than any nourishment; you feel full in the presence of love.

But there’s a vast difference between love and true love. True love knows no depth. It’s an endless tunnel that sweeps you up in the whirlwind and you’re never quite free from it. It stays with you. And you hope this person will too.

True love isn’t ordinary. It doesn’t come around often and that’s how you’ll know it’s genuine.

….Or, you know, you could read this list and find out for yourself. Here are the 21 signs you are truly in love with your partner:

1. You see something and instead of thinking how happy it makes you, you think about how happy it would make them.

2. You feel more at home with them than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. Even when you were 7 and had all the stuffed animals in the world.

3. You find yourself singing Macy Gray at various times throughout the day.

4. You can get all-out mad or depressed or happy or whatever it is that you are in front of them. And you know it won’t change how they feel about you.

5. Patience: It doesn’t matter how long it takes for them to understand something, you enjoy spending the time teaching or learning from them.

6. You have the option to wear your go-to outfit, but still take an extra five minutes to get ready.

7. You live for their quirks. You love that they take up the entire dance floor when they break a move. You love that you can’t share meals because they hate chicken. You love that they will discuss celebrities like they’re your real friends. You’d much rather have them be weird than anyone else.

8. You still go over to their place no matter how late at night it is and how tired you feel. It’s always worth it.

9. You don’t desire other people. Yes, you might find some of them attractive, but no part of you wants them.

10. Their happiness means more than your own.

11. You willingly give in to the things you normally don’t compromise on.

12. You never grow tired of their company. It’s always just better when they are there. Even if you two don’t fill the silence, you’re content simply knowing they are present.

13. You have moments of insecurity but their reassurance makes you realize it doesn’t matter. Only when they say things will be fine do you genuinely believe it.

14. You associate certain scents with them. Cut grass reminds you of the time after your morning run. Football leather brings you to autumn evenings spent playing catch in the leaves. And don’t get us started on the smell of their pillow….

15. You dream of all the ways you can take care of them more than you dream of all the ways you want them to take care of you.

16. You never don’t want to listen to them – even when they sing Motown absolutely terribly in the shower.

17. When you do fight — it’s part of loving someone — you truly don’t want to be mad at them. You don’t talk badly about them after it’s resolved either because you know their actions came from a good place.

18. As if it’s even possible, you find them to be even cuter when they are sleeping. (I promise this isn’t creepy…)

19. They can come at you with anything — news, secrets, maybe even a baseball bat — and you won’t judge or hate them for it.

20. You wake up happy if only because you get to see them that day.

21. Neither of you think about Channing Tatum during sex.

“since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a far better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for eachother: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis”

“Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know love we have to invest time and commitment...'dreaming that love will save us, solve all our problems or provide a steady state of bliss or security only keeps us stuck in wishful fantasy, undermining the real power of the love -- which is to transform us.' Many people want love to function like a drug, giving them an immediate and sustained high. They want to do nothing, just passively receive the good feeling.” 

“She’s kept her love for him as alive as the summer they first met. In order to do this, she’s turned life away. Sometimes she subsists for days on water and air. Being the only known complex life-form to do this, she should have a species named after her. Once Uncle Julian told me how the sculptor and painter Alberto Giacometti said that sometimes just to paint a head you have to give up the whole figure. To paint a leaf, you have to sacrifice the whole landscape. It might seem like you’re limiting yourself at first, but after a while you realize that having a quarter-of-an-inch of something you have a better chance of holding on to a certain feeling of the universe than if you pretended to be doing the whole sky.

My mother did not choose a leaf or a head. She chose my father. And to hold on to a certain feeling, she sacrificed the world.”

Women Marriage...!

Marriage

Prof. 'Abdur Rahman I. Doi Professor and Director, Center for Islamic Legal Studies,
Ahmadu Bello University, Zaira, Nigeria.

Importance of Marriage in Islam

Allah has created men and women as company for one another, and so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility according to the commandments of Allah and the directions of His Messenger. The Quran says:

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

"And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]

These verses of the Noble Quran clearly show that in contrast to other religions like Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism etc. which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) declared, "There is no monasticism in Islam." He further ordained,

"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]

Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith."[Al-Bukhari]

The importance of the institution or marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the following Hadith of the Prophet,

"Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me."

With these Quranic injunctions and the guidance from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in mind, we shall examine the institution of marriage in the Shari'ah.

The word Zawaj is used in the Quran to signify a pair or a mate. But in common parlance it stands for marriage. Since the family is the nucleus of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) insisted upon his followers entering into marriage The Shari'ah prescribes rules to regulate the functioning of the family so that both spouses can live together in love, security, and tranquility. Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'Ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah (transactions between human beings).

In its 'Ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah.

In its mu'amalah aspect, marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children, the Shari'ah has prescribed detailed rules for translating this response into a living human institution reinforced by a whole framework of legally enforceable rights and duties, not only of the spouses, but also of their offspring.

These aspects are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet. It is narrated by Anas that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion because it shields him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other evils like slander, quarreling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family. According to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) the remaining half of the faith can be saved by Taqwa.

Conditions of Marriage

Careful consideration of the Quranic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the Mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (Zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (Mandub).

However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living:

If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (Zina).

If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from Zina.

Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.

However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).

The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man:

If he is sure that he will commit Zina if he does not marry.

If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion.

If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.

If he is able to pay the dowry (Mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.

Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.

It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.

In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.

Since believing men and women are referred to in the Quran, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.

The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Noble Quran:

Ijbar: A Safety Valve

The consent of both the man and the women is an essential element of marriage, and the Quran gives women a substantial role in choosing their own life partners. It lays down:

"Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner." [Noble Quran 2:232]

However, Imam Malik, one of the four great Imams of the Sunni schools of Islamic jurisprudence, gives a slightly restrictive interpretation to this verse and makes the choice of partner by a Muslim girl subject to the over-ruling power or ijbar of her father or guardian in the interests of the girl herself.

It may sometimes happen that in her immaturity or over-zealousness, a girl may want to marry a man about whom she has distorted information or who does not possess good character or who lacks proper means of livelihood. In such a case, it is better, or rather incumbent upon the girl's father or guardian, that, in the wider interests of the girl, he restrains her from marrying such a worthless man and finds a suitable person to be her husband. Generally speaking, such marriages arranged by fathers and guardians work better than a marriage brought about through western courtship.

The case of Abu Juham bin Hudhaifah and Mu'awiyah ibn Abu Sufyan is relevant here. They proposed marriage to Fatimah bint Ghaith. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised Fatimah not to marry either of them on the grounds that Mu'awiyah was then a pauper and Abu Juham was cruel and harsh. So she married Usamah.

The Free Consent of the Parties

The Quran [4:21] refers to marriage as a mithaq, i.e. a solemn covenant or agreement between husband and wife, and enjoins that it be put down in writing. Since no agreement can be reached between the parties unless they give their consent to it, marriage can be contracted only with the free consent of the two parties. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

"The widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until their order is obtained, and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained." [Bukhari]

This aspect is greatly emphasized by Imam Bukhari. He, in fact, gave one of the chapters in his Sahih the significant title:

"When a man gives his daughter in marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be annulled." Once a virgin girl came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said that her father had married her to a man against her wishes. The Prophet gave her the right to repudiate the marriage. [Abu Dawud]

Divorced women are also given freedom to contract a second marriage. The Noble Quran says,

"And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their waiting period, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner." [Noble Quran 2:232]

With regard to widows, the Quran says,

"And if any of you die and leave behind wives, they bequeath thereby to their widows (the right to) one year's maintenance without their being obliged to leave (their husband's home), but if they leave (the residence) of their own accord, there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves in a lawful manner." [Noble Quran 2:234]

Thus widows are also at liberty to re-marry, even within the period mentioned above; and if they do so they must forgo their claim to traditional maintenance during the remainder of the year. However, it must be remembered that the power of ijbar given to the a father or the guardian by the Maliki school over their selection of life- partner obtains in all the situations considered above, namely, whether the daughter or the ward is a virgin or divorcee or widow.

Prohibited Marriage Partners

Under the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relationship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a permanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage are laid down in the Noble Quran:

"And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful."[Noble Quran 4:22-24]

From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following:

His mother

His step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in some cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father)

His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothers' e.g. great grandmothers)

His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond)

His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine)

His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters)

His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters)

His brother's daughters

His foster mother

His foster mother's sister

His sister's daughter

His foster sister

His wife's mother

His step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has married if the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consummated, there is no prohibition)

His real son's wife

A great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, affinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep these prohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages.

Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain special circumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, the prohibition also disappears. They are as follows:

A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a girl and her aunt at the same time.

A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment is removed immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her former husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retreat).

A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of course, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced.

A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah.

Regarding this last prohibition, the Quran expects Muslims to act with the utmost propriety and righteousness. It lays down:

"...but do not make a secret contract with them except in honorable terms, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is fulfilled." [Noble Quran 2:235]

This means that a man must not make a specific proposal of marriage to a woman during the time of her 'iddah after the death of her husband or an irrevocable divorce. However, he can send a message saying, for instance, "I wish to find a woman of good character". But if a woman is in the 'iddah of a divorce which is revocable where raja' (return) is possible, a man must not send her even an implied invitation to marry him, because she is still considered as the lawful wife of the first husband. In fact, this restriction is most beneficial because it prevents a man from becoming an instrument of breaking up a family where there are still chances of reconciliation between the wife and husband even though they are moving away from each other.

Two Suitors Seeking to Marry the Same Girl

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) disapproved of two persons competing with one another to secure marriage with the same girl. This is because such a situation is likely to develop bitter enmity between two Muslim brothers.

The Prophet said,

"A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter (voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."

Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi'i, and Imam Malik, all hold the view that it is a sin to put a proposal of marriage against the proposal of another Muslim brother. However, if a marriage is contracted in this wrongful way it will be sufficient if the second suitor who was successful seeks the forgiveness of the first suitor and of Allah. But Imam Dhahiri considers such a marriage void. It is respectfully submitted that the former view is more rational and sound.

Feelings For Mother

Dear Neil: My issue is to try to understand the negative feelings I have toward my mother and how to best let them go. I constantly find myself annoyed with anything she suggests. Often she begins with “you should,” which immediately puts my defenses up. I feel I can’t completely open up to her for fear that she will take this as an invitation to resolve my issues, when all I really want is for her to listen. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? I am an honest, hard-working, successful woman and I have managed to get through life very well, thank you, by making my own decisions.

It sounds like you are wanting validation from your mother—that you’ve turned into a good Mom, a strong adult and a capable and competent individual—and that she trusts that you have the skills to succeed in life and to figure out your own problems. Her advice, no matter how well-meaning, is making you feel that you’re still being treated as a child instead of a competent adult.

Very likely, it’s not that you still need a mother. It’s that your mother still needs to be a mother—and she’s having a hard time letting go of that role. It could also be that you are rejecting her because you feel rejected by her. That you’re not willing to let her in because you expect her judgment, control or criticism—and that you’re not wanting to be subordinate to her anymore.

It’s entirely possible, if not likely, that these issues with your mother began in childhood and are life-long. Jasmin Lee Cori, in her book The Emotionally Absent Mother (The Experiment Publishing), lists ten different “Good Mother” messages that shape our feelings about ourselves and largely defines the relationship we have with our mother as we grow up. Those messages are:

1. I’m glad that you’re here. This message is communicated through behavior that tells the child that s/he is valued and wanted. The message “I’m glad you’re here” helps us be glad that we’re here. It helps us feel comfortable, welcome and wanted.

2. I see you. This is conveyed primarily by accurately helping a child to identify his/her feelings and for that child to feel that someone is being responsive to those feelings. A mother who “sees” you, knows for instance, what you like and what you don’t like. She knows what your interests are and how you feel about things. Being seen is being known.

3. You are special to me. This tells us that we are valued and prized. It is best to pair this message with being seen for who we are so that we do not associate specialness with some superficial quality or image.

4. I respect you. Children who feel respected and loved in a genuine way will have permission to discover and express their unique self, and they will not feel they have to constantly mirror the parents or conform to some parental blueprint.

5. I love you. Those words need to be experienced as sincere and authentic in order to have meaning. It is important that those words not be perceived as manipulative and not be paired with requiring something of the child. Love is most effectively communicated nonverbally through touch, tone of voice, eyes and facial expression, body language and attentiveness. Helping a child learn some boundaries and offering friendly guidance can also feel like love.

6. Your needs are important to me. You can turn to me for help. You don’t have to hide your needs or try to take care of them yourself. Your wants and needs I consider important.

7. I am here for you. I’ll make time for you. Conveys the messages: “I am here as a consistent presence in your life. You can count on me, I won’t disappear on you” and “I’ll make time for you.” It expresses availability, priority and that you are valued.

8. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you. I won’t let you be hurt or unnecessarily overwhelmed. Without safety, we may never learn to really go out into the world. Without a caretaker’s protection, our only protection is to stay small and build defensive postures into our personality.

9. You can rest in me. With me, you can be at home. You don’t have to be on guard. We all want a place to be totally ourselves, where we don’t have to perform, and where we feel soothed and comforted in the company of another.

10. I enjoy you. You brighten my heart. An affirmation of the child’s preciousness. An acknowledgment that others take pleasure in our very being.

These messages are frequently communicated more through behaviors, attitudes and facial expressions than they are through words. Go through these “good mother” messages, and ask yourself which of these do you think your mother conveyed to you as you were growing up. Which of these feel familiar? Does your mother communicate any of these messages now? Which of these do not fit your mother at all?

I will continue this discussion in next week’s column.

Love Qoutes

1. 
   

2. You are every reason, every hope and every dream I've ever had

3. I love you and that's the beginning and end of everything

4. Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. A lot of times, I don't say anything at all. But I hope someday, you'll understand, having you is what I live for.

5. If I knew I would be falling in love with an angel, I would have searched for you harder and found you sooner.

6. 
   I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever

7. To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed. 

8. The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it... you and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough 

9. I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.

10. If I could be anything in the world I would want to be a teardrop because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips

    

11. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close

12. I may not get to see you as often as I like, I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart, I truly know, you're the one that I love and I can't let you go

13. You're the one reason I wake up in the morning, you're the one reason I find a way to smile, you're the one person that can change everything around when it is going bad. Your eyes, your smile, your everything, your laugh, your look in your eyes when you talk to me. It's just everything about you that makes me want you even more

14. My love for you knows no bounds, its timeless and endless. You can enrich my life in more ways then I can ever express in words. I felt strongly connected to you the moment I looked into your eyes. I was drawn to your soul in a way I have never experienced before. You are the only one can see the door to my soul

15. Sweetness flows from your appearance and your beauty makes me fall more in love with you. Anytime I feel low, I think about the good times you have given me and everything seems good again 

16. If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin, and the feel of your heart beating with mine... Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you

17. I love you because I love you, because it would be impossible not to love you. I love you without question, without calculation, without reason good or bad, faithfully, with all my heart and soul, and every faculty

18. Every night in my dreams
    I see you, I feel you
    That is how I know you go on.
    Far across the distance
    and spaces between us
    You have come to show you go on.
    Near, Far,
    wherever you are,
    I believe that the heart does go on.
    Once more, you opened the door
    And you're here in my heart,
    and my heart will go on and on.
    Love can touch us one time
    and last for a lifetime
    And never let go till we're gone.
    Love was when I loved you,
    one true time to hold on to
    In my life we'll always go on.
    Near, far,
    wherever you are,
    I believe that the heart does go on.
    Once more, you opened the door
    And you're here in my heart,
    and my heart will go on and on.
    You're here, there's nothing I fear
    And I know that my heart will go on.
    We'll stay, forever this way
    You are safe in my heart
    and my heart will go on and on.

19. Late at night when all the world is sleeping
    I stay up and think of you
    And I wish on a star
    That somewhere you are thinking of me too
    'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
    'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
    And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
    Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me